I have been an undiagnosed problem for most of my life ranging from depression to mania, alcoholism to drugs, reckless behavior to severe disipline, doing nothing to overworker, and back again. My life is a rollercoaster to me and those in it. I have been good for several years, but the moment I am not in control or I fear for the outcome of things in my life, I become reckless. I have no daily friends anymore and only my girlfriend of several years to support me, and I am overburdoning her. I have tried faith but often dismiss it because as soon as things get less crazy and my self esteem picks back up I again I pick it all apart and can’t find anywhere in it all that I didn’t contribute or give up something or pay dearly to believe anything was Heaven sent. I do not wish for money or possessions as I have become strangley disattached and do not believe in the matters of the world financially or possesive. It is the unending love of my girlfriend and her I care most for as I still believe after several years our meeting was a grant of prayer. I had lost my wife and she had been separated from her abusive husband. We have a home together and there is a lot of love, but my loss of what I feel has become of humanity and disbelief in the world is in the way. I so very badly want to die to end this madness that causes my suffering. I do not want to spend time and money on therapy and I do not want to take any drugs prescribed or not that may keep me from being me, because the whole being I have become is all relative… well to being me. I have changed before, I have paid dearly for wrong things I did not do, and have paid dearly for wrong things I did do. I am rambling now sorry. I ask that if you read this to pray for strength for me to pull through that which I cannot pull through on my own. Strength to be strong when I am truly weak. Strength to be a man and stand upright when I am faced with self doubt and liars who’s prescence alone overcome me. Strength for life, to believe. Strength to face mortality and madness in in this world. Strength to be.

- David from Jacksonville, FL